Love. Again. This joke isn't funny anymore.

I hate feeling as vulnerable as I feel right now.
I hate not knowing what someone feels, and I hate it when I try to flirt, since I'm as discrete as a fluorescent ninja.
I wish love could just sit down in my lap and say "I'm here now, no sweat, OK?"
But nah, that's just not what happens, is it? So I'll just head right into the storm once again.
  • Current Music
    Opening Theme from Boondock Saints

Young! Savage! And only seventeen!

Thank you, Mrs. Hagen, I couldn't have said it better myself.

Today's my birthday. I woke up when my family came into my room singing "Happy Birthday". I, on the other hand, had forgotten all about what was going on, so I sat up in my bed and looked very surprised. Then I remembered, and felt kind of pleased with the fact that I wouldn't have to get up and make breakfast.
Right now, it's been a somewhat boring day, after all, I am being sick and staying home so right now, there's not much for me to do here. I can watch the movies I got, or read the book about Tim Burton my little brother gave me, but I sort of don't feel like it. I've eaten some cake and I watched SLC Punk a few hours ago, and right now I feel somewhat restless, as this day seems to provide nothing but a piece of Internet and a pot of tea. After all, this day COULD have been more amusing.
But hey, I can always check out my navel fluff and other cool things, like a real man.
  • Current Music
    Yellow with Coldplay

To the Snotmobile!

Today, I am superdupermega sick.

The thing is, I think I've been spoiled with a very practical health all through summer, and because of that I've forgotten the non-pleasure of realizing when you want to kill yourself because of a somewhat less favourable feeling in your throat. I also suspect an incipient eye inflammation. I am not amused.

Tomorrow's my birthday, and I REALLY REALLY wouldn't like to be sick then. I was sick as a dog last christmas, and it wouldn't be all that superduper fun to sit in your bed with runny eyes while my family is trotting around with cake and presents and stuff like that. Nu-uh, I can't say I need this, AT ALL.
Right now, I'm thinking about calling my mother and tell her that my throat is about to die, but she'll probably say that I'll have to go anyway and later I will hear something like "If you're gonna be sick every time you go away to Västerås then..." but hey, that's not the issue here, folks! I'm just feeling as if I've been hit by a car full of snot.

Also, I can't say I feel like being sick and loosing weight. I noticed that only this weekend, which was spent playing DnD and watching movies, I've lost three kilos. Weird, considering that I have been eating properly and that the food I HAVE been eating contained about as much fat and goo as the average american citizen it's terrifically weird that my ribs have decided to show themselves more than usual to the outside world. Does not want.

Plus, if I'm sick, it means I can't watch Snakes on a Plane for another few days. I is not amused.
  • Current Music
    My My Metrocard with Le Tigre

Peter Pan Syndrome

I realized something that I found kind of scary. Ironically, the source of my fears was a book called "Survival Guide for Teenagers".
I found the book at my local library, and since I like to know what to do in case of a future disaster, I picked it up and started reading from the backside text to find out what kind of traps of adolescence this book would prevent me from falling into. What made me react, however, was that the book seemed to cover things like "Your First Kiss" and "Dating" and "Your First Period" and stuff like that. In other words, The Teenage Fucking Basics.
Thing is...I've been through all of those things. And without the drama.
I'm not a virgin, I'm not a "never-been-kissed"-girl, I'm not inexperienced, I'm not unhappy. There are no guidebooks for someone who's felt, touched, seen and done everything you can in the Teenage Wonderland. Despite that, I've got two years left, and I have no idea what I'll do with them. Sure, I usually HATE when people say "I've seen EVERYTHING, I've done EVERYTHING", but in my case, it feels at least a little bit true. Right now, all I've got left is growing up, and that scares me more than anything. It's hard growing up, especially when you realize that you never had those "special" moments gown-ups always use as examples when they want to prove that it's fantastic to be young.

Forever young?
Heck no.
But growing up was never meant for me.
  • Current Music
    Maestro with Kaizers Orchestra

What? Alive? Oh, of course I am!


Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I'm back! I just didn't feel like roaming the Internet for a while. In the meantime, I've been reading and selling kisses and hugs. No real explanation. Anyways, I'll try to get my act together with LJ now.
I guess I stopped writing for a while when I realized no one really cared what I wrote. Then again, what I expect from me writing on the Internet is either to find my best friend, OR that someone will write "HOLY SHIT, YOU'RE FANTASTIC" and make me the rock star of litterature. But then we've got the problem that I don't believe in finding true friends on the Internet, and I'm not really that much a rock star. I'm more of the groupie, or the manager doing coke with the band after their show, or a girlfriend of someone in the band.

I've recently recieved 1 piece of confidence from life. I guess I kind of deserve it, as I've been taking care of my problems myself and as it's actually been rather successfull, but I'm not sure what I'll do with this huge piece of confidence. Right now, it's helping me to turn into a social lawnmower, eliminating everyone I can't stand. For the moment being, I enjoy being a bitch.

All in all, life is pretty neat.

  • Current Music
    Good Friday with Coco Rosie

(no subject)

Sooo...yeah, Jakob came and slept at my place.

And to be honest, it all worked out quite well. Sure, Jakob was all whiny about "HOW CAN YOU BE SO COLD ABOUT IT?", but well, that's how I am. I'm just not very emotional, and I'm rather flexible. Our relationship isn't all that different from before actually, we're still hanging out almost the same way, we're just not as physcial as we used to be. And we can talk once again, and I have to say that's something I value much more than a romantic relationship.

He also said he'll be trying to save me. I'm not sure I want him to, I don't feel like being the one who needs to be saved.
  • Current Music
    Kontroll På Kontinenten with Kaizers Orchestra

Oh Shi-!

I just agreed on letting my ex boyfriend stay the night at my place.
...Can someone else remind me why I did that, because I have NO idea.
  • Current Music
    Girlfriend In A Coma with The Smiths

liek w00t?!!!!11!!1!eleven!!1

It's kind of scary when you're in love with someone and you can't tell if they're flirting with you or not. Yesterday I had a chat with Linn and we talked about relationships. I was mostly ranting about how much I miss a relationship and she was mostly ranting about how she's got a hard time knowing wether she loves someone or not. It all ended up with us discussing how to chat people up, and this is what was said;

Me: I mean, I don't get it, are you supposed to walk up to someone, hold out your hand and then say "HI AND HELLO, can I offer you a cup of coffee with some ulterior motive on the side"? Or should you just sit there, looking smug and passing a wink now and then? I DON'T GET IT!

: You're asking the wrong girl...

: Haha, I guess so :P

: But I'd flirt with you, since you're adorable and so cute :)

: Are you playing around or are you for real?

: I'd be too shy, though.

: Haha, I can flirt with YOU ^^

: Yay! Please do that!

...And now, I am very confused. Very, VERY confused. Was she flirting with me or am I just being self centered?
On another note, a friend of a friend got a crush on me about a week ago. I can't help but to laugh, even if I know it's somewhat mean.
  • Current Music
    Flamboyant with Pet Shop Boys